Time is the funniest concept in life.
Time makes you so happy. You invest so much time into friends and family and you have the best memories. The hardest thing is to give up good times. The time you invest is what makes things matter to you, its when you define what your happiness is and what you enjoy. If you are not sure about something, the more time you spend with/doing it, you decide if its a thing you like you keep doing it, if you don't like doing it, you stop.
Time makes you hurt. When someone takes the time you want to invest away and its out of your control, it is the worst feeling you can experience. When you want to take your free time and give it to being with someone or doing something and you can't, you hurt. Its the hurt that seems to never go away. Everything you do makes your think of what you want. I remember details of time I spent with the person I want to spend my time with. Every day is a challenge, some harder than others. Even with every person surrounding me, I hold my phone and have to talk myself out of being stupid. Saying I miss this person is an understatement.
Time makes you stronger though. I remember days I couldn't get through because I couldn't stand the fact I had to give this person up. I remember weeks I just couldn't not say something, no matter what it said. I remember giving up amazing nights with my friends to cry my eyes our hoping things would change. This person, not to say it would matter, knows what I went through.
As I sit here dreading my journey home for the summer, I realize its going to take time to be OK being home. I know people that claim time can heal anything, but I feel that life can heal anything. It takes something of the same caliber to take over what you miss, without it you can only revert back to what you want. You will always wonder why it couldn't happen, or why it was so abruptly stripped from you.
I can honestly say, without a thought, I go back to what I miss. I don't give up on answers easily, although I have gotten to the point I let it lay. I have learned enough throughout my life, you can't always get what you want, but I never give up on what I want. This situation, however, I have put so much time into it, I have to give up on it. I know that I can't fix it, I can't change it, shoot, I can't even get a "why" out of it. It still hurts every day, but I know that I always get stronger. I just don't know how strong one person can get before it starts to affect who I am or how I live. I know that I won't put up with people, I won't take crap, and I know that who I am is who I am. I am the biggest sweetheart you will come across, but I'm tired of being taken advantage of, so if you do something unacceptable to me, I am your worst nightmare.
I may be strong, I may hide my feelings, but honestly, if I could say one thing to this person, I would say that I have feelings, I'm not a machine. I have never been so hurt and I would have never had anyone do anything close to what this person did. This person stripped me of so much within one night, but somehow, for whatever reason, I'm not mad, I'm not bitter, and honestly, I'd go back to January, but not let it turn around.
